


A Matter of Life or Death

by thedevilchicken



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fuck Or Die, M/M, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 16:15:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17144996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilchicken/pseuds/thedevilchicken
Summary: It's a simple choice: have sex and live, or don't and die.Obi-Wan has, ridiculously, chosen death. Anakin can't say he completely agrees.





	A Matter of Life or Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fairleigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairleigh/gifts).



The toxin in their blood has been there for weeks. 

Obi-Wan says it's a lot like an unexploded bomb, but that's not right. It's not so much ticking like a timebomb waiting to go off because maybe if it was, they could defuse it somehow; it's more like the detonation happened right in the second they were exposed, and it's been exploding in slow motion ever since. It's killing them slowly with every second that passes and the only reason they're not dead already is probably the Force. Maybe that or they're just too stubborn for death.

The thing is, they don't actually have to die from it. People get exposed to the stuff all the time - some of them even do it on purpose! - and live to tell the tale till they expire of old age, or blaster bolts, or anything that's _not_ the toxin. And Anakin has had enough with Obi-Wan's stupid attempt to go into the Force like a martyr, which is probably why he's marched over to his old master's quarters to tell him that right now. Not that that explains why he's been standing outside for the best part of five minutes, scuffing his toes against the floor like he's a peacetime padawan again and not a Jedi general.

He's still leaning against the wall by the door when it opens and Obi-Wan steps out into the corridor. He has his arms crossed over his chest and a stern look on his face but Anakin hasn't been intimidated by that since he was ten and even then, he kinda had to talk himself into it. He was never the best padawan. He knows he's never been the best Jedi Knight, either. 

"I could hear you loitering out here even if I couldn't feel your grumbling presence in the Force," Obi-Wan says. "I thought we agreed it was best if we don't see each other."

"No, that's what _you_ agreed," Anakin says. "I said that sounded like a bad idea. I said that sounded like a _really_ bad idea."

"I thought we agreed it would be less complicated like this."

"And I said it was already complicated."

"I thought we agreed--"

"We didn't."

"But I--"

"No." Anakin huffs out an exasperated breath. He steps away from the wall and he stands in front of Obi-Wan, who's still the doorway like he's barring entry to the best nightclub on Coruscant and not the most boring quarters in the whole Jedi Temple, which Anakin knows from experience. When Anakin takes a step forward, he can see Obi-Wan has to stop himself from taking a step back. More than anything else, _that's_ what stings about the situation; not only has Obi-Wan somehow reached the stupid conclusion that it's better for them to die in the end, but Anakin kind of feels like he's already lost him. 

"What do you want, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asks. 

"I think it's more about what I _don't_ want," Anakin replies. "I don't want to die. I don't want _you_ to die. No one here wants us to die. Not even Ahsoka after I dropped her lightsaber into the trash compactor and she had to go fish it back out. Not even Rex after I ordered him onto that moon and it turned out it was infested with amorous giant slugs. We _don't have to die_!" 

When he kisses him, it comes as a surprise to them both - Obi-Wan probably thought (or at least hoped) that his old padawan had more self-control, but he's thought that for years and it's pretty much never been true, not even a little. On the other hand, when Obi-Wan pushes him back, that's really not a surprise at all - Anakin knows he thinks they should just let the toxin take them to the grave and let that be that, but Anakin really can't sit down in quiet meditation while he slowly dies. He's had some hare-brained schemes of his own over the years, but this one takes the cake. At least he was trying to avoid death, not skip merrily into its waiting jaws. 

He steps forward. "I don't want to die," he says again, quieter, and the look on Obi-Wan's face as they stand there together is so tired and drawn and tempted that Anakin wonders if he's slept at all since they got back from their last mission. Anakin barely has. Sleeplessness is one of the effects the toxin has, but that's not the only reason why; his stupid stubborn master has been on his mind a lot. 

Anakin steps closer. He takes Obi-Wan's upper arms in his hands so he can't move away even if he wants to, and he rests his forehead down against his. That one thing feels more intimate than any other thing they've ever done has been. That one thing feels like an admission he used to be sure neither of them would ever make. 

"It's just sex," Anakin says, striving toward nonchalance and failing utterly like he's just dropped like a rock out of orbit, and Obi-Wan laughs bitterly because they both know _just sex_ is technically true but then again also not. And if Obi-Wan were in his completely right mind and not dying a slow death from poisoning and sleep deprivation, he'd probably still say no, but in the end he just sighs and steps aside and lets Anakin come in. Anakin figures it's as close to an invitation as he's ever going to get, so he takes it. If he'd hesitated, Obi-Wan might've changed his mind.

Anakin knows Obi-Wan's quarters almost as well as he knows his own, except the bedroom was never really somewhere he spent a lot of time as a padawan or afterwards. It's where he goes to now, bypassing the seating area with its functional and not exactly comfortable couches as he's trying to untie his belt, and Obi-Wan follows close behind. He thought he'd need more persuasion but the mind trick wouldn't work on Obi-Wan even if he decided to try it, so it's probably not that. But it's not the toxin, either. It doesn't work that way; it might make you kind of weak, and kind of sleepless, but it can't make your mind up for you. 

When they undress, the toxin doesn't make them do it. They have a choice, though Anakin guesses it's not exactly much of one: they do this, or they die. They're not drunk, and they're not high, and Anakin knows he's going to remember this because when they take off their clothes in Obi-Wan's room, piece by piece at the foot of the bed, they both know what they're doing. Obi-Wan stretches out on his back on the bed, naked, and Anakin follows him, settles on top of him, propped up on his hands, feeling faintly ridiculous with one glove on and nothing else so he leans back and takes it off and exposes the metal underneath. At least that way he doesn't feel like he's making a statement, and it's not like Obi-Wan's never seen the places that the metal joins his skin. But when Obi-Wan's fingertips trace that line, Anakin looks down to watch, and he shivers. Suddenly _that_ is the most intimate thing they've ever done. It ties his stomach into really unexpected knots. 

Anakin has brought some kind of lubricant with him that he borrowed from the med bay while the droids weren't looking, and he tells himself it's not stealing when it's kind of for a medical purpose: maybe they wouldn't die without lubricant, but he figures it's going to help. It's just that this is not the way he imagined this happening, and he knows he imagined it happening more ways than he could really count, since he was younger than would've been decent even if they weren't part of the Jedi Order. Sometimes he feels like he missed the part of youngling training that says _maybe you'll have a crush on your master, and that's okay 'cause you'll grow out of it_ , because he's never grown out of it. Obi-Wan Kenobi, with his rules and his skills and his care and his loyalty, and his stupid dry humor, has never quite crawled back out from under his skin. 

Obi-Wan's hands go up to grip tightly at Anakin's shoulders. He pulls up his knees and Anakin is sort of surprised that's how this is happening because he'd figured Obi-Wan would want to be the one on top, if just so he could maintain some sense of control over the controlless situation. He's imagined it both ways, though, and he's always liked the idea of this, so Anakin goes ahead and slicks himself. He pushes the tip of his cock against him, awkwardly, and he hates how he's hoping Obi-Wan never knows how often he's thought about this and not just so they won't die pointless, meaningless deaths. He's thought about sex, what it would feel like to be skin-to-skin with Obi-Wan, and he guesses now he knows. 

He's thought about pushing into him the way he's doing now though he was better at it in his imagination - in his head he wasn't blushing like he's just professed his undying love for Master Yoda, and he didn't slip out of place four times before he got it right, thinking _do or do not, there is no try_. Finally, he feels himself push in past the tight rim of Obi-Wan's hole, and he slowly sinks in deeper, closer, Obi-Wan's light eyes on him and his face flushed, too. He's surprised he didn't think to use the Force to make it easier, but maybe it's better this way. Maybe the Force is everywhere, but his hands on him feel more real than the Force ever has. 

He shifts his hips to move in him and Obi-Wan wraps his legs around him, high up, cinched tight at the ankle. He moves in him and Obi-Wan clenches his jaw and bares his teeth but Anakin understands - it's not because he hates it. Obi-Wan's cock is hard with the tip brushing against Anakin's belly with every thrust of his hips. He doesn't hate it. Maybe that's why he's been so reluctant. Maybe it's taken Anakin till now to understand. Obi-Wan feels the same way he does. Obi-Wan thinks, of all the things he could think about this, that he's _taking advantage of him_. Anakin can't help it; he laughs out loud. Only Obi-Wan could think death was the better alternative, even if that was true. 

He laughs till the only thing he can do is pull back and pull out and sit back on his heels and Obi-Wan looks at him like he's completely lost his mind, which he guesses is possible under the circumstances. Then the look on Obi-Wan's face changes, like he's decided maybe this is all some kind of cruel game at his expense, like he thinks maybe it's all so ridiculously bad that Anakin finds it hysterical, like he's confused and exposed and maybe kind of hurt, and that's when Anakin's laughter trails off into a cough and a frown. 

He rests his hands against the insides of Obi-Wan's thighs then shifts to straddle them instead of kneeling in between them. He wraps his flesh-and-blood hand around Obi-Wan's cock, maybe almost tentative about it because honestly, he's never touched another man like this. He changes his mind and wraps his metal hand around him instead because he likes the way that looks, and the way it feels - he strokes him with it, slowly, smooth metal fingertips so full of sensors moving against his skin. He pinches Obi-Wan's foreskin up over the head then gently eases it back again, exposing the thick, flushed tip. He ducks his head. He licks him. Obi-Wan's hands go tight against the sheets, and he groans like he can't help himself. 

Anakin reaches for the semi-stolen lube and he slicks Obi-Wan's erection with it, and as he shuffles up to straddle Obi-Wan's hips, he looks up at him like he's trying to find the words to tell him _you don't have to do this, Anakin_. This is, of course, something Anakin's already aware of; he doesn't have to but he wants to, and he's wanted to for years, and _years_. As he wraps his fingers around Obi-Wan's cock, as he holds him in place and rubs the tip of him between his own cheeks, as he guides him up against his hole and pushes down, as he penetrates himself with the thick, hard length of him, he wonders if maybe he can show Obi-Wan he wants it just by doing it. 

When he starts to move, awkward in the beginning till he finds a kind of slow, deep rhythm, it's almost like he imagined. When Obi-Wan shifts his hands to Anakin's hips and braces his heels against the mattress, it _is_ like he imagined. As he pushes down, Obi-Wan pushes up to meet him. Obi-Wan's eyes are on him, wide and almost alarmed but full of desire, and Anakin wishes it would last, but it doesn't last long - he guesses they're both too wound up and sleep-deprived and, well, _poisoned_ , for anything like stamina. Obi-Wan chokes back a groan as Anakin's cock jerks of its own accord and he comes over Obi-Wan's abdomen, and Obi-Wan himself can't hang on much longer after that. Anakin can't say he minds that Obi-Wan bucks up deep and comes inside him with a groan he smothers in the crook of his own elbow. When Anakin pulls back and stretches out beside him, Obi-Wan looks completely dishevelled, but he guesses so does he. 

They look at each other, sidelong in the early evening sunlight. Anakin wraps his metal fingers around Obi-Wan's wrist. 

"You wanted this," Obi-Wan says, surprised by the realisation if the look on his face is to be believed, like it hasn't been hanging between them for at least the past five years. 

Anakin ignores every sarcastic, facetious, tongue-in-cheek thing he could possibly conjure in response and just says, "Well, yes." 

Obi-Wan chuckles wryly. "Then I suppose you'd best stay the night," he says. "And I suppose I'd best get used to having company." 

Anakin wonders how long it's going to take for Obi-Wan to decide that the two of them wanting it actually makes it worse somehow and they do this stupid, pointless dance all over again, or maybe he'll surprise him. But, for now at the very least, they're going to live. Thanks to what they've just done together, they're going to live. 

The toxin requires sex, pure and simple. It was engineered decades ago by scientists hoping to cause an upsurge in their planet's declining population figures, and the fact is that it worked. But the thing is, _just sex_ is kind of meaningless where this toxin is concerned, and they both know it. The reason people do it voluntarily isn't because it feels good, because the science all says it doesn't feel any better or worse than any other kind of sex - they do it because it binds the affected people together on a cellular level. Anakin's not sure what's so romantic about physically dependency, but there it is: they're stuck with each other. Anakin, for his part, isn't sure he minds too much.

This time, when Anakin leans across to press his mouth to Obi-Wan's, it's less of a surprise. This time, Obi-Wan doesn't push him away. 

They've chosen each other because they've chosen to live. Or maybe that's the other way around.


End file.
